You want me to do WHAT to my body?

By Shari Levine and Andrit Ademo

I thought I knew everything the summer after my freshman year in high school. I had just turned 14, and I felt totally independent, mature, and able to make good decisions. Boy, I had a lot to learn --

Marga's Great Idea
I was out of school for the summer and my parents were at work all day. Ah -- freedom. Every day my friends and I would go to the mall, swim in the lake, and hang out at this cool coffee bar. I had an older friend named Marga who was 16 and really cool. On one rainy summer day she came up with what we thought was a great idea; to get our eyebrows pierced. I have to admit now that I was a little scared. But I went along to the tattoo parlor to have a hole put in anyway.

In order to have this piercing done we had to sign a form promising that we were really 18 years old. I felt uncomfortable lying about my age, but Marga was doing it, so I did it too. We picked out our rings and laid down on the table to be prepped for piercing. Jonah, our hole puncher put a clamp on my brow to keep it still and to keep the skin tight for the needle to go through.

We're Talking Pain, Major Pain
It really hurt when the needle went through my skin, but that was just the beginning. The ring had to be shoved through the tiny hole and then he used a bead to hold the ring closed. By the time he was done my eyebrow was so swollen that the ring stuck straight out and no matter where I looked I could see it.

Facing The Folks...

Now it was time to go home and face my parents. As soon as I walked in the house my mother screamed at me and my father had a look of total disappointment on his face. My parents could not believe that they (Jonah) would do this to a 14 year old girl. "Didn't they need some proof of your age?" they asked. They were even more angry when I told them that I had lied about my age, and that I had signed a legal document.

Within 15 minutes we were in the car on our way back to the tattoo parlor to have my eyebrow ring removed. For the entire ride my dad talked to me about making healthy choices for myself, not because I am supposed to, but because I want to take good care of myself and to be healthy.

Dad's Advice
We talked for a long time about how I should not follow someone who is doing something stupid (not to mention illegal) just to fit in. He said that if a friend gets mad at me for making my own decisions, they are not a good friend. Dad said that my true friends may disagree with my decisions, but they will respect me for doing what is right for me.

Summer Delights AND Temptations
Hanging out with friends, and doing whatever you want is what summer is all about. When you have lots of free time and your parents are at work you may have a lot of opportunities to do things that are unhealthy.

What do you do when faced with these choices? What if all your friends are smoking cigarettes but you don't want to? What if you're at a party and everyone is drinking beer and you don't want to drink? Or, what if you want to have sex with your boyfriend?

Pick AND Choose -- Win AND Lose
Every choice you make has consequences; some are more critical than others, but all of your decisions have an impact upon your life. Like if you decide to get into a car with a drunk driver, you've made a choice; and the consequences could be deadly. Or it might just be your grade that is affected by your choice to blow off classes for a day because you miss a pop quiz in math.

There are so many tough choices to make - and pressure from your friends and parents makes it even harder to decide what is right for you. With each decision you make you define who you are, and you lay the foundation for your life.

The Girl's Guide to Making Healthy Choices

Gut Feelings

The first step in making healthy choices is knowing what YOU want. It can be hard to get in touch with what you want when you have other people telling you what you should want; especially when you want to please those people. Take time out to listen to your gut feeling about things, and you will be able to make healthy decisions.

Consider all your options
Now that you have figured out what you want to do, next you need to decide whether or not you will do it. Let's say, for example, all of your friends are smoking cigarettes, and you want to try it. Movie stars and models who smoke look really cool doing it, so why not give it a try? But you know that smoking is an unhealthy, smelly, expensive habit that you don't really want to start. Plus your parents are totally against smoking and have told you many times not to try it. What are you going to decide?

Cost/benefit analysis
On the one hand you have your parents telling you not to, and you know it's unhealthy, expensive, smelly, and illegal (costs). On the other hand you see your friends smoking and looking cool, and they keep bugging you to try it (benefits). My advice: think about the benefits of smoking - okay, well, there aren't any. It may seem like your friends will like you if you smoke with them. But if fitting in with these friends is based on doing unhealthy things, it's time to make new friends who will respect you and your decisions.

Speak your mind assertively
In The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, the authors say You are assertive when you stand up for your RIGHTS in such a way that the rights of others are not violated.

* They suggest you use a simple method to voice your opinion assertively:

* First, you state your thoughts about the situation. I think ___________________

* Second, state your feelings. Use I statements to talk about how you feel.
I feel ___________________

* Finally, state what you want. Make your request clear and specific.
I want __________________

So, for example in the smoking situation you could say to your friends: I think that it's okay for you to smoke, but I don't feel it's the right thing for me to do right now. I would like it if you would not pressure me to try smoking because it makes me feel uncomfortable and I have already decided not to.

As one of my friends always used to say: Stand up, tell the truth, and get out of the way! Once you have communicated your decision assertively, you're done. You have no control over your the other person's response, and often there is nothing you can do about it.

Once you have decided what you are going to do, you don't need to make excuses or give explanations for your actions. Feel confident that you are doing what you need to do to keep yourself healthy from the inside out.

* (From The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, Assertiveness Techniques

RIGHTS

Your Assertive Rights (adapted from the University of Maryland Baltimore Campus Student Health Services):

I have the right to refuse requests without having to feel guilty or offer excuses or reasons.

I have the right to make a request of another person as long as I realize that they have the right to say, No.

I have the right to be treated as a capable human being.

I have the right to feel and express anger and all other feelings.

I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.

I have the right to have my opinions and given the same respect and consideration that other people's opinions are given.

I have the right to be independent.

I have the right to change my mind.

I have the right to not be liked by everyone. I can deal with other people effectively without having their approval.

I have the right to take risks.

I have the right to have my needs be as important as needs of others