Give yourself the gift of peace

By Shari Levine

Everyone has to deal with unpleasant feelings

Throughout your life you may experience a wide range of feelings that are hard to deal with like anger, sadness, frustration, loneliness, loss, and many others. We want to help you learn how to deal with these feelings in a healthy way.

Part of learning to deal with bad feelings is developing healthy strategies to use in the moment -- at the time when you are angry or upset. What we suggest is that you take some time now to think about what to do BEFORE you are in the middle of a difficult moment.

These coping strategies CAN work for you in the moment but only if you think of them before the moment arrives. If you don't think about it beforehand, you will be less likely to be able to use them when the moment arrives.

If you find yourself doing something unhealthy or unhelpful to deal with bad feelings...

... you can change your mind in the middle -- but you need to have a plan. So read these useful suggestions that have worked for other girls, and think about what will work for you.

Remember: if you are unable to immediately change your current coping strategy, that's okay! Don't beat yourself up about it. Just try again the next time (and trust us, there will be a next time)!

We asked our readers to tell us what coping strategies you use to deal with bad feelings. An amazing number of your responded - here are Girl Zone reader's top 10 best ways to cope with bad feelings. Click to find out what GZ readers said about these strategies.

1. Talk to a trusted friend

This was by far the most popular response we got. As one reader said "If I feel sad I will talk to someone who I can really trust who will give me honest advice." It feels so good when you can talk to a friend who really understands what you are going through. It's really important to find friends who you can talk to and, in turn, it's also important to be a good listener for your friends when they need to talk.

Be a good listener by...

• Making eye contact
• Showing your friend that you understand what she's saying by nodding your head or saying yes periodically
• Telling your friend that you understand what she's going through
• If you have been through a similar situation, tell your friend, but be careful not to shift the conversation to be about you
• Be supportive and respectful of what she's going through

2. Write in a journal

A famous poet named Dr. John Stone once said "You never really know what you are thinking until you write it down." Writing your feelings down on paper helps you to express yourself and get the feelings out rather than bottle them up inside. One Girl Zone reader wrote "I always write in a journal. It makes me feel special and wanted. It is a little piece of me." Another reader offers this suggestion: "I write down my problems on a piece of paper and then rip it into tiny pieces, destroying my problems."

3. Listen to music, sing, or dance

Music has the power to transform you. It can be meaningful not only because of the lyrics, but also because of the rhythm and the feeling it evokes in you. One reader wrote "I always feel better when I listen to the Indigo Girls. Their lyrics are like beautiful poetry, and it seems like their voices are talking directly to me."

4. Scream into or punch a pillow

Let's face it... sometimes you just want to scream at the top of your lungs, or even punch someone out. But you can't. So, the next best thing is to use your imagination and punch your pillow. Maybe you pretend that the pillow is your math teacher's face or that it is your coach's knee. It's okay to take out your aggressions in a physical way as long and you don't hurt another person.

5. Talk to Mom

Many readers said that they talk to their mothers when they are feeling badly. The great thing about your mother is that, believe it or not, she has probably been through what you are going through (and more).

6. Read

Just like music, books have the power to transport you into another world. Reading a good book can help you to relax and jump into another person's reality. Try Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by JK Rowlings for a good escape!

7. Get in touch with nature

As one Girl Zone reader said "When I get upset I take a walk in the park by my house and listen to nature. I appreciate the beauty and the noises that come from nature."

8. Move your body

Exercising or playing a sport can help you to physically release the tension created by bad feelings. One reader said "I love going outside and practicing volleyball. If I'm angry I prefer spiking the ball and over-arm serving; things where you really whack the ball." Other readers suggested swimming, running, or playing soccer as strategies to cope with bad feelings.

9. Think positively

This may sound way too simple, but it can really help. One Girl Zone reader said, "I think of all the good things I've done that day, and I feel better about myself." Another reader said "I think about how lucky I am, and remember that the bad feelings will all pass."

10. Hanging out with a pet

Pets give unconditional love and can put a smile on your face even in the worst of times. I like the way this reader put it: "I have a cat, a dog, and two hermit crabs. When I feel bummed out I'll take my dog for a walk or brush my cat or let my hermit crabs crawl around. Seeing other things happy makes me happy."