And how one boy's stupid comment crushed my party

By Shari Levine

I was fourteen when I began to go through puberty. Everything started changing. My body began growing so fast, it seems like I had to buy bigger clothes every few months. It was all kind of exciting but scary at the same time.

In the spring of ninth grade, I was invited to a party at my friend Michelle's house. It was my first real party (meaning that boys were going to be there), and I spent hours that afternoon trying on all of the clothes in my closet. Standing in my underwear, staring at my entire wardrobe on the bedroom floor, I realized how badly I wanted to have a perfect body. More than the perfect body, I wanted everything they say ("they" meaning, magazines, TV and movie stars, models) you'll get with it--happiness, popularity, and lots of attention from boys.

When my Dad dropped me off at the party, I felt pretty good about the way I looked. I had picked out my favorite pair of jeans that made my legs look thin, a green tee shirt that made my eyes stand out, and a new pair of sandals. I thought everything was just fine.

Everyone from my school was at this party. Sitting on top of a picnic table, I was having a great time talking to friends, drinking soda and eating chips. Soon, a small group of kids gathered around the picnic table, and for the first time I felt secure and popular with the kids from my school.

Then the bomb went off. Just as fast as that amazing feeling of security and confidence came to me, it was ripped away by the pain of what happened next. I couldn't believe it when, in the most incredibly obnoxious way, my so-called friend Mike stuck his finger into my stomach as if I were the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Then he very loudly says, "Shari has gained some weight, hasn't she?"

I wanted to scream at him, but I could not speak. I wanted to cry. Instead I just laughed as my face turned red and the tears welled up in my eyes.

I couldn't believe my ears! I wanted to disappear, to melt into the picnic table. I wanted to scream at him, but I could not speak. I wanted to cry. Instead I just laughed as my face turned red and the tears welled up in my eyes. But I wouldn't cry, because that would let him know how much he hurt me.

Everything changed that spring.

Most girls can remember when they began feeling differently about their body image. It's like one year you're running around playing with your friends and nothing bothers you, and then you hit junior high and you become all aware of you body. Your body image is the way in which you see yourself--your size, your shape and proportions. It is how you feel about your body, and how you think and talk to yourself about your body.

One of the most common myths is that your body image is the way you actually look. It's not. In fact, your body image and your actual physical body can be totally different. For example, have you ever met someone who believes that she is fat, but is actually slim or normal weight? This person has what's called a distorted body image.

The way you feel about your body will change over time, and is influenced by three important factors: physical changes, what other people say, and comparing your body to the cultural ideal (movie stars, models...).

When your body goes through normal physical changes such as puberty, (and later on in pregnancy and menopause) your body image will change as well. During puberty, most girls grow an average of 10-12 inches and gain between 40-50 pounds. This growth helps to prepare your body for later on in life when you have babies. Each person's body develops in a unique way on his or her own timeline. Some people gain weight before they gain height, and vice versa. Dumbos may comment on the obvious changes in your shape, weight, and size, the way Mike did to me (as if I did not notice). While you have no control over what other people say, you have control over your response. The most important weapon you have against negative comments about your body is a strong sense of self, and a positive self-esteem. When you feel good about yourself, what other people think won't matter nearly as much.

Girls who are equipped with a healthy self-esteem are also less likely to compare their bodies with the fashion-model definition of the "perfect body": Just look at the covers of Glamour or Vogue magazines and you'll get an idea of what body type is considered ideal. Many girls and older women compare themselves to these models and become upset when they realize that their body looks quite different.

Advertisers and photographers use computers and other tricky methods to create a more perfect image that they want the reader to see. Therefore, much of what we see in magazines is truly unreal.

There are a few things you need to know about the fashion industry that may change the way you look at those models. Advertisers and photographers use computers and other tricky methods to create a more perfect image that they want the reader to see. Therefore, much of what we see in magazines is truly unreal. Photos are shaded to conceal pimples and other skin problems, inches are shaved off arms and legs to make the models look slimmer, and eye color is enhanced to look more brilliant. It is no wonder that so many women have a negative body image.

Remember this the next time you look at a magazine and get depressed. The next time you feel unhappy about your shape, think about all of the wonderful things your healthy body can do, feel, and experience.

Here is extra info related to the article:

Distorted Body Image

Means that your mind believes that your body looks different than it does in reality. The most common distortion of body image is thinking our bodies are larger than they actually are. If you have ever had a "fat day" then you know what I am talking about. A fat day is when your body feels huge and your clothes feel tighter, but your weight is unchanged from the day before, and you look no different to anyone else.

Distorted body image becomes a problem when that fat feeling (which is not based on real weight gain) leads to guilt and self-hate, and eventually results in unhealthy eating and exercise behaviors.

Puberty

You probably already know all about it. This is the change you body goes through to prepare for reproduction. Most girls go through puberty around ages 12-14, but some are as young as 9 and some as old as 17. During puberty, your brain releases the hormones that direct your growth and development. In response to these hormones, your body prepares itself to become pregnant and give birth. Physical changes in your body make reproduction possible: your hips will grow wider, breasts will fill out and eggs will begin to mature in your ovaries. Getting your period is the final sign that your body is ready to reproduce.

Pregnancy

While you may not be thinking about having kids for a long time, you should know something about the physical changes that take place during the nine months of pregnancy, and how these changes can affect a woman's body image. The nine months of pregnancy are broken down into three trimesters (a period of time lasting three months). During the first trimester, many women get extremely tired, and some feel nauseous (also known as morning sickness) and throw up.

It is often not until the second trimester that a woman will begin to appear pregnant and start "showing." Doctors recommend that women gain between 25-35 pounds during pregnancy. She should gain between 35-45 pounds if she is having twins. Most of this weight gain occurs during the second and third trimesters. Can you imagine gaining 25-35 pounds in just 9 months? This can be a challenge for some women in our weight-focused society. People often feel free to comment on a pregnant woman's body changes. The other day I was at the mall with Andrea who is eight months pregnant. We were waiting in line at the bank when a friend approached Andrea and said "Wow, you're huge!" Andrea just laughed and agreed, but inside I knew that comment hurt her feelings. In our culture, there are very few women who are comfortable with having their body described as "huge." The weight gain and the way in which other people respond to a woman's body during pregnancy can have a powerful effect on her body image.

Menopause

Have I completely lost it? Why in the world would a teenager be thinking about menopause? Well. you're probably not unless you're heard your mother talking it.   But it is important for you to know that your body will change throughout your life cycle, and this is normal. During menopause, around age 45-55, your body loses its ability to reproduce. As part of this process, the flow of hormones which once controlled the menstrual cycle is turned down, and eventually turned off. An older woman's body image can change as she becomes aware of her inability to give birth to children anymore.

Self-esteem

This a vague concept that we hear a lot about. I believe that self-esteem means having unconditional respect, love and value for yourself. A healthy self-esteem is one of the most powerful tools you can develop. A girl who has a strong sense of herself is not afraid to be assertive, to express anger, and to say or do what she feels is right, even if she disagrees with her peers.

Perfect Body

How do we define the "perfect body"? Who sets the standards ? I believe that the standards are developed by the fashion industry and the media, and are influenced by politics, economics, and the status of women in our society. In America, the image of a perfect female body changes almost every ten years. For example, in the 1950s, Marilyn Monroe's body was considered the ideal, and many women wanted to look like her. She had an hourglass figure with breasts and hips, and was a size 16. Within 10 years, the image of the ideal female body was totally revised. In the 1960s, the fashion model Twiggy became the image of the ideal female body. Her body was straight and slim, lacking the voluptuous curves displayed by Marilyn Monroe.

Remember, we are all born with a unique shape. That shape cannot and will not change each decade according to the media's definition of the perfect female body. Embrace you body shape--because it is the perfect body for you.